Shadows Bleeding Through The Light
by Lady Livia
Summary: Oneshot Just to remind everybody how bad things were in the days of Voldemort, before Lily and James died. Poor Sirius.


**Shadows Bleeding Through The Light**

Livia lay on her couch in the V created by Sirius' legs as he lay with her, her head rested against his chest. She reached the end of the page of the book she was reading and asked him "Finished?"

"Mmm." He replied, his left hand stroking a strand of her red hair. Livia turned the page of the book and they both continued to read, contented and at peace with everything in their little world at that very moment.

"Finished?" Livia asked a few minutes later.

"Mmm." The same reply, with the same hand still playing with the same strand of hair. Livia once again turned the page.

"Liv?" Sirius asked softly, his hand still stroking that strand of hair. Livia looked up at him.

"Yeah?" she asked, frowning when she saw the worried expression on his face.

"I've been thinking" he said slowly, "About this Fidelius Charm."

"What is it Sirius?" she asked when he stopped.

"You know how Lily and James asked me to be their Secret Keeper? Well, I've been thinking that that would be too obvious. So, I was thinking of changing with Peter, he would never be suspected and I could go into hiding to lure the Death Eaters away from him."

"What brought this on?" Livia asked, closing the book.

"I've just been doing some thinking about everything in my life." Sirius said "And I would be the obvious choice the Death Eaters would be after, that compromises Lily and James…even you." Livia sat up and turned to face him, her eyes wide.

"You aren't going to be a big hero, and just disappear on me never to be seen again, are you?" she asked in an almost panicked tone.

"No." he reassured her, pulling her towards him and wrapping his arms warmly around her. "its just, if I was the Secret Keeper, the Death eaters might come after you, to try and get to me. So, if I was going to go into hiding, if I asked you, would you come with me?"

Livia pulled back to look him in the eyes. "In a heartbeat." She told him. Sirius looked extraordinarily pleased and relieved and suddenly pulled Livia onto his lap, kissing her.

Livia was drawn into that kiss, with one knee either side of Sirius and his strong arms pulling her tight against him, she was light headed before she realised that this was one of those kisses they always shared before they made love. And so she was surprised when Sirius suddenly pulled back with an "I have to go."

"What?" Livia asked, trying to get her breath back, "Why?"

Sirius smiled at her, "I have something to pick up" he said "I'll be back with Lily and James tomorrow morning to talk about the Fidelius Charm."

Livia followed Sirius to the front door where he turned back to look at her. "I'll be back at ten tomorrow." He said with a smile.

"Are you sure you just don't want to stay the night?" she asked.

"Not tonight." He replied. "Like I said, I have something to pick up." He bent and kissed her lightly on the forehead "I love you." He told her.

"I know." She replied with a grin "I love you too." Sirius smiled.

"I know." He was about to walk away when he suddenly pushed Livia back against the wall, kissing her passionately. Leaving her with something that the mere memory of would warm that cold and lonely bed she must endure by herself tonight. "Ten tomorrow." He breathed as he pulled away, smiling as he saw the flushed colour in her cheeks.

"Ten tomorrow." She repeated.

"Lock the door." He told her as he started off down the garden path to the gate.

"Always." She replied, giving him a wave before she closed and locked the heavy wooden door.

---

Livia sang quietly to herself as she worked in the kitchen the next morning. Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she cut up an apple, she smiled. There was always the need to prepare extra food whenever James was coming to visit. It was then she heard the doorbell. Livia set the kitchen knife down on the bench next to her wand as she looked up at the clock. "It's only nine thirty." She muttered as she hurried to the door and opened it with an "You're early." What Livia saw made her gasp and throw herself back from the door, slamming it shut. An instant later the door burst open and four dark hooded figures came through. Livia let out a cry and ran for the kitchen and her wand. She had just reached the door to the kitchen however when two hands grabbed her from behind and threw her to the ground. She forced herself to her knees and turned to face her attackers, who all stood with their wands pointed at her.

Livia's breath caught in her throat as she stared at Lucius Malfoy, his wife Narcissa, Bellatrix Lestrange and Severus Snape. "Looking for this?" Narcissa asked, holding Livia's wand up and twirling it between her fingers. Livia's eyes darted around the kitchen, looking for some form of escape, there was the door behind her, but she'd never make it. Seeing this, Bellatrix laughed.

"You're not going anywhere." She said with a cruel smile. Livia looked back to the Death eaters standing over her. Four of them. Too many to come here just to kill her.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"The Potters." Lucius snarled. "Where are they?"

"Why the fuck would I tell you that?" Livia replied with a vicious snarl of her own. Narcissa let out a hiss and slapped Livia across the face.

"You'll tell us or we'll kill you!" the woman snapped.

"I'm not telling you anything!" Livia growled.

Lucius grabbed Livia by the front of her robes and yanked her to her feet, slamming her against the wall. "You will tell us." He said in a deathly clam voice. "And you will tell us now!"

"I will _not_."

Lucius took a step back and smacked Livia across the side of the head, knocking her to the ground. Narcissa leapt at her, screaming.

"Tell us where they are you stupid bitch!"

Livia screamed as Narcissa grabbed a handful of her hair and smacked her head against the tiles.

"Narcissa…" Snape said slowly "I don't think you are going to get an answer out of her like that…" Narcissa released Livia and stood up, when Bellatrix stepped forward and kicked Livia in the stomach.

"Listen," she said, pushing her long black hair back from her face. "We know what the Potters plan on doing and we are going to act before they do it, and you are going to help us find them, now just tell us where they are or things are going to get a lot worse for you. It's that easy, just tell us"

"Not likely." Livia gasped, trying to get her breath back.

Snape sighed and hauled Livia to her feet before throwing her into the living room, where she hit the coffee table before forcing herself to her knees again. "Fine." Snape said as the others walked in behind him to stare at her. "Fine." He repeated "Then give us Black."

Livia stared at them disbelievingly, as they all looked at her expectantly.

"Come on!" Narcissa snapped.

"Tell us where my dear cousin is and we'll let you live." Bellatrix said in a low voice.

"No."

"Screw this!" Bellatrix exclaimed, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Livia. "Crucio!"

Livia screamed. Pain racked through her body and filled her mind until there was nothing else in the world. Such pain as she had never felt before, it consumed her and everything else. Her back arched as she began to twitch and still she screamed, it was the only thing that felt natural. All her mind registered was the pain, that was all there was, until Bellatrix raised her wand. Livia lay on the ground panting as the Death eaters looked down at her, Bellatrix smiling sadistically.

"Tell us where Black is!" Snape demanded.

"I'd rather die." Livia growled.

"Trust me." Lucius drawled "Unless you tell us, you will!"

"Oh…" Bellatrix suddenly said "That's why you are being so stubborn!" she pointed to a portrait that hung on the wall above the fireplace. Livia looked up; it was a picture that had been taken about a year ago, when she, Sirius, Lily and James had gone to Rome. The picture was of Lily and James attempting to dance, with Sirius and herself slightly behind them mimicking every move they made. The Death eaters watched as the Sirius in the picture suddenly pulled Livia towards him and kissed her.

"I see." Snape said coldly, looking down at Livia as she pushed herself up again, her face twisted in pain. "Crucio!"

"Had enough?" Lucius' voice cut into Livia's thoughts. Snape must have raised his wand. She opened her eyes to see Lucius leaning over her, his cold grey eyes focused intently upon her.

"I'll never tell you anything!" she breathed, rolling onto her side and using her hands to push herself to her knees once more, her hair hanging in her face. Lucius turned to the others.

"I don't think she's going to tell us no matter how much we do to her." He said in an undertone. Livia suddenly leapt to her feet and dove for the kitchen, she had just reached the bench when she felt Bellatrix grab her. With a desperate cry, Livia seized the kitchen knife she had been using earlier and spun, slashing the woman across her pretty face. Bellatrix let out a shriek of pain and let Livia go, staggering back, screaming. Livia threw herself across to the other door and up the hallway, she could hear her blood pounding in her ears but still she forced herself on, she had reached the door to her bedroom when somebody hit her from behind, sending her into the wall and then the floor.

Livia felt somebody pick her up, then the next thing she knew, she had been slapped across the face again, opening her eyes she found she was lying on her bed and she could still hear Bellatrix's screaming. She looked over at the five Death Eaters standing looking at her… then counted them again. Five. Her eyes scanned them, then focused on the one in the middle, she short one. Peter Pettigrew. That couldn't be right. What was he doing here? It was then that Sirius' words about being the Secret Keeper from the previous night came back to her. _" I was thinking of changing with Peter, he would never be suspected and I could go into hiding to lure the Death Eaters away from him."_ With a sudden scream of fury, Livia threw herself at Peter, wanting nothing more than to rip his throat out.

"You traitor!" she screamed "I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you!" she was caught and thrown back onto the bed by Snape and Lucius, both of whom looked extremely amused.

"Stop her." Narcissa ordered, before pulling out her own wand and muttering "Crucio."

Livia screamed for what seemed like hours until Bellatrix slapped her again. "Tell us where Black is!" Snape demanded in an impatient tone.

"Never!" Livia gasped, she couldn't even push herself up this time, her body wouldn't obey her, so she just had to lay there as they stalked around making threats.

"Can we just get this over with?" Narcissa asked. "She is going to tell us nothing."

"I agree." Lucius said to Snape who after a moment's hesitation, nodded. Livia glared at Peter then turned her attention to the picture on her bedside table. It was of herself, Sirius, Lily and James from last Christmas. All wearing Santa hats, drinking Butterbeer and singing Christmas Carols. And as she heard Bellatrix saying

"Let me do it." And heard the woman approach her and pull out her wand, Livia realised what she was about to do and closed her eyes to hold the image of that last Christmas in her mind as the last thing she would see before she heard Bellatrix cry two words.

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!"_

---

Sirius apparated with Lily and James behind a tree next to the footpath of Fernbank Gully. "I wonder what Liv has prepared for morning tea." James mused as they stepped out from behind the tree onto the road, and Lily let out a cry. They all stopped and stared at Livia's house, their eyes all focused upon the Dark Mark above it.

"No!" Sirius breathed as Lily dropped the basket she had been carrying and clamped her hand over James' arm. Sirius brushed past Lily and James as he ran up the garden path and into the house, shouting Livia's name. He ran through the living room and into the kitchen as Lily and James came through the front door.

Sirius picked up a kitchen knife off the floor and looked at the blood on the blade.

"LIV?" he called, throwing the knife onto the bench, his panic rising. "LIV?" he was just heading for the other door to the hall when he heard Lily let out a shriek. Sirius ran up the hall towards Livia's bedroom, where Lily's cry had come from and entered the room behind James who ran in before him and stoped short before grabbing Lily and pulling her tight against him.

Catching sight of Livia on the bed, Sirius let out a cry and pushed past Lily and James as he threw himself over to her, sending James stumbling. A small sob escaped Sirius' lips as he climbed onto the bed next to Livia and looked down at her, reaching a hand out to touch her lightly. "Liv?" he breathed "Liv, please…"

Sirius reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from Livia's face, his hands shaking. "Please, no." he sobbed, tears falling from his eyes as he grasped one of Livia's hands tightly. "Gods no! Liv please, you can't do this…no no no no no." With a sudden cry of anguish he lifted Livia to him, cradling her body against himself as he lost control and let out a pained scream.

"She's sleeping!" Lily exclaimed hysterically, trying to pull away from James while crying "She's just sleeping! Wake her up!"

"No Lils." James replied in a low voice, pulling his wife against him and holding her tightly as she broke down, burying her face against his chest. James watched his best friend with tears sheeting his own eyes. He held Lily tighter as Sirius began rocking back and forth, cradling Livia. They had lost her, Sirius had lost her. James didn't know what he would do if anything ever happened to Lily, and he didn't care to ever find out.

"She wanted me to stay." Sirius sobbed, speaking to James but keeping his eyes on Livia. "Last night she wanted me to stay… if I had she'd still be alive…" he broke off as another wave of grief shook him, his sobs turning to another anguished scream.

"It's not your fault." James replied, his voice tight. "If you stayed you'd probably both be dead."

"I'm dead anyway." Sirius muttered, as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small blue box. Opening it slowly as another tear traced its way down his cheek, Sirius stared at the diamond ring in the box before he gently placed the box in one of Livia's hands, and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I was going to ask her to marry me tonight." He said softly, as he lay down beside Livia and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry Liv." He breathed, "I'm so sorry."

Lily's crying doubled when Sirius had pulled out the ring and then when he had told them of his plans to ask Livia to marry him Lily's knees had given way and James had had to catch her before she had fallen. Lily continued to cry steadily as she stared at the body of her cousin, covered in bruises. James eventually pulled Lily toward the door, deciding that the ministry had to be told and Sirius probably didn't need them watching him right now.

Sirius lay next to Livia, letting the tears flow freely. He didn't understand how he was still breathing when she no longer was. It was wrong and he hated himself for it. He slowly raised a hand and stroked a finger down her cheek. "I'm sorry." He breathed. "I should have been here with you." He raised his head a little and kissed her cheek gently. "I love you." He whispered "I always will… I don't think I can do this without you Liv." He reached down and took hold of her empty hand and intertwined his fingers with hers before he lifted it and kissed her hand. "We were so happy yesterday." He breathed, then paused. "You would have said yes, wouldn't you… I should have asked you last night, then it wouldn't have had to be a surprise today and you could have come with me to get the ring… you wouldn't have been here when they came…" Sirius closed his eyes for a second then opened them again. "I guess I'll be along soon anyway… when I switch with Peter, it'll keep Lily and James safe and the Dark Lord will come after me… so I won't be long love." He closed his eyes again as he heard voices. James must have contacted the ministry. Sirius pulled Livia closer to him, burying his face in her hair, not ready to let her go yet. The ministry would have other things to take care of before they would need Livia's body, they would have some memory modifications of muggles living nearby to do to make them forget the Dark Mark and other such things, so he still had some time with her yet. Sirius began to shake as more sobs forced their way from him as he held tightly to Livia, his tears dampening her hair, then, as he heard footsteps coming up the hall towards the bedroom he froze. "I don't know how to say goodbye…" he whispered. "Liv… I don't think I can…"

"Padfoot?" James said uncertainly from the door. "They…they have to take her." Sirius nodded, not looking up, still holding tightly to Livia.

"Sirius." James stepped forward "You have to let her go…"  
"…I don't want to." Sirius said softly. James stepped closer and sat beside Sirius.

"It's not Liv" he said gently to his friend, reaching out and resting his hand on Sirius' arm. "Liv left the moment her heart stopped beating." Sirius sat up and looked at James.

"I don't know how to say goodbye." He breathed, his throat too tight to say anything louder.

"I know, mate." James sighed, as Sirius looked down, his shoulders beginning to shake.

"Come here." James reached out and pulled Sirius into a hug, patting his friend on the back as he felt Sirius clench large handfuls of his shirt in his hands tightly as his friend continued to shake.

Sirius held tightly to James, thankful for the human contact. He didn't know how to deal with the fact that everything hadn't stopped when Livia's heart had stopped. Her life was over and yet people would continue their lives as normal as if nothing had happened. It wasn't right and he didn't understand it. "I loved her, James." Sirius said softly "More than I've loved anything, ever."

"I know you did, mate." James replied, still patting Sirius on the back "She knew it too."

"I wish I could tell her that one last time." Sirius said in a tight voice.

"She knew, Sirius. She knew how much you loved her, she really did." James told him firmly. Sirius nodded and opened his eyes, looking over James' shoulder and spotted a photo on the bedside table, it was of last Christmas. When James let him go, Sirius leaned over and picked the photo up off the table.

Looking down at the photo, Sirius gave a sad smile. "That was a good Christmas." He said, looking down at Livia in the picture and stroking a finger over her cheek as she smiled up at him. James looked over at the photo and nodded.

"It was." He agreed.

Sirius turned back to Livia's body and picked up the ring box, took the ring out then slowly slid it onto her ring finger before raising her hand to his lips and kissing it. "I had it custom made for you." He said to her softly, another tear tracing its way down is cheek. "Thought you might like it…it has shamrocks inlayed in the band." Sirius then leaned forward and lightly kissed Livia's forehead. "I love you Liv, please don't forget that."

"Come on, Sirius." James said gently. "Why don't you stay with Lily and I tonight?" Sirius shook his head as two ministry wizards walked in and over to the bed, he closed his eyes then reluctantly released Livia's hand, taking a deep breath. "If it's all the same to you, James, I'd rather be alone."

"Of course." James said, as he helped Sirius to his feet as the ministry wizards pulled a sheet over Livia's face while they looked around the rest of the room.

"Thank you though."

James just nodded, and pat Sirius lightly on the shoulder. "You know where to find me when you want to talk."

Sirius nodded, making his way toward the front door, tears continuing to fall and carrying the photograph from Livia's bedside table. On the bench by the front door he saw another photograph, it was his favourite of Livia and himself, also taken in Rome, but in the room they had shared when they had been alone. Sirius picked it up as he walked past and carried it out the door with him. He didn't even make it all the way down the path to the gate before he dissaperated, desperate to get away where he could properly break down without people watching him. His whole world had changed and he didn't know how he was meant to live with it, or infact if he wanted to. One thing was certain, he knew it. Those Death Eaters would suffer, if it was the last thing he did, he would make them pay.

Disclaimer; I own Livia. Everybody else is the property of the wonderful imagination of one J.K. Rowling.

8


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